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Friday, 18 February 2011

Moving in Together - decorating

The main difference you’ll notice when you decide to take the plunge and move in with your other half is attitude to decorating.

This will become most apparent when you see the male reaction to the scented candle.

Six years ago I took that plunge.  It was his idea to go shopping the Saturday after pay day, to deck out our humble abode.

Difference no. 1 – Location.

Upsettingly, he took me to Ramsgate.  And do you know which shop he took me to?  Have a guess………………………..

Difference no. 2 – Argos.

Argos is where you’d by kids presents from at Christmas, not a cutting edge boutique for interior design.

We had an argument, our first, because he couldn’t understand why ‘ANY DINNER SET WILL NOT DO – THEY ARE NOT JUST PLATES’! He also couldn’t understand the importance of rim thickness on your mug, (back off perverts) I like a thin rim.

I refused to buy any old ironing board cover and he ‘didn’t get’ that there was a selection of different designs and I wouldn’t, ‘just get the stripy one’.

Then, on our way to the cashiers, I stopped at the scented candles. Picking one vanilla and one orange candle up, I held them under his nose and enthusiastically asked, ‘which one do you like’?

His face changed.  It looked almost happy before, relieved to be on it’s way to the end of our shopping trip but now, it looked stunned.

‘WHAT’? he shouted, in a high pitched bark. ‘Smell them’ I said, ‘one is orange, this one’s vanil….’

‘NO! I, THEY’RE CANDLES, I…I’VE GOTTA GO OUTSIDE’! and visibly shaken by the extreme unfamiliarity of the object, ran, (yes ran) outside and sat on a bench to recover!

Now that’s just not normal is it?  Women don’t even have that ‘mode’ do they? That was proper disturbed male behaviour at it’s peak.

Anyway, years on and we’re both still sharing the same home, (soul mates &  all that) and we’re both BOOTFAIRTASTIC and sometimes, he gets over confident and makes purchases without remembering to check my facial expression first.

His last boot fair treasure was four dinner plates. Dinner plates so ugly that they were obviously kicked out of the set by the rest of the crockery.  Who buys just four plates? They match each other but nothing else.  Oh and he bought two cheap nasty bedside lamps with corrugated plastic shades.  I had to put my foot down and told him that they were never going to be used.  For a month they made a pathetic stand of defiance by the fruit bowl – (he purchased that as well but panicked and bought plain white = safe). He threw them away in the end.

After watching Kirsty Allsops Homemade Home, I toyed with the idea of rummaging for odd plates and cups from Portabello Rd but His eyes lit up, as though he was going to join in and possibly already had a few in mind, so I ditched that idea sharpish.

Why is the average man so sh*t at basic home decorating?  Why do women even want to drag them round IKEA , cooing over badly made, mass produced tat?  I love the idea of building our nest together but I don’t really listen to his opinions on duvet covers, so why am I so upset when he chooses the worst possible rug in the entire range?

There are just some jobs that women do better and others that are simply more suited to men.  So, he can stick to the ironing, cooking and washing up but just please,  leave the scatter cushions to me.


  1. Scatter cushions are a womans domain. Men just don't have the 'cushion gene'. Sad, but true. My husband wants to paint the biggest wall in our cream/red/gold themed living room GREY. Over my dead body. What's that all about?

  2. I painted our living room wall dark grey... He really liked it so I repainted in royal blue and bright pink...He loves it! What's all that agreement about?

  3. My experience is completely different. My ex loved nice things, wanted to be surrounded by good quality/comfortable/tasteful looking furniture in the home. We chose everything together from sofa's to cushions to candles. It would be his idea to go Habitat or Ideal Home Exhibition. All dinner plates and cutlery were really good quality (hence why he took them when we split) Haha!!! And he used to buy the best candles ever....he did have his good points!

  4. My other half is just as bad! When we were first thinking of moving in together, we went to view a flat (well, say flat, but it was in fact the garage attached to the landlords house - not good) which was tiny. I said "oh, the bedroom is so small, I don't think we could get a wardrobe in there!" and do you know what my lovely boyfriend cheerfully said? "that's ok, we'll just put the wardrobe in the lounge". Since then, I haven't troubled him with anything to do with interior decor...

  5. Haha seems I got off lightly Mon Cherry? I've never had a wardrobe in the lounge, or lived in a landlords garage, (although he did USED to try & make me pay half for the chinese takeaway - practically got a calculator out).
    And Miss Coward, was your ex artistic in any way? Maybe that has a lot to do with it. Mine was asked to draw a mermaid by one of the kids and he drew a thing so repulsive & cross eyed that she resembled Medusa. The child in question burst into tears and threw it in the bin.

  6. I personally would be a bit perturbed if my husband paid any attention to anything remotely involved with decorating or interior design. At this precise moment, there are two beautiful hand made (By me no less) canvasses that have been waiting to go on the wall since October. I could, of course, get a nail, bang it in and hang them.. but why should I? I bought the canvas, the paint, the creativity, the ideas, and proceeded to paint two gorgeous(my opinion - my son says they looks like someone vomited on them and then pooped on top!)unique pictures that I refuse to hang as it is NOT MY JOB. I hint at them at least twice a week but it has now become a mexican stand off. I fear they will never go where they are meant to and I may end up just vomiting on them and pooping on them and throwing them in the bin lol!!he knows nothing about colours, textures, cutlery, crockery or any of that. I have moved him forward from days of old now though... I recently bought an electric blanket with much fuss from the bloke and an insistence that "he didn't want any of that on his side" as he "liked the bed cold when he got in"... How THAT little opinion has changed lol.. We have had to put the blanket in the middle of the bed and he actually whinges when his side is not that hot lol - definitely a sign of age but... WOW is it the best £30 I have ever spent?! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS - I must insist that you get one Invisible! really you must!

  7. My husband is colour blind and a couple of years ago voiced is displeasure at having no input to the colour scheme of the house.

    Our walls are green. For years he thought they were beige. When I met him, the bedroom was candy pink but he thought it was peach (the 80's okay), he once painted the kitchen lime green thinking it was something totally different.

    'nuff said. Not allowed any input into colour schemes.

  8. Linda, Is husb' professionally diagnosed colour blind, or have you just told him he is so many times over the years that he now believes it and leaves you to get all artsy? ahah
    And SPhillips05, that's a bit Gibert & George isn't it, pooing as 'art'... please may I see your canvasses pre defecation?

  9. Officially diagnosed colour blind. Red Green and blue whatever. Used to think grass was red. I wonder what the world looks like to him compared to me.

  10. I think mine just has a 'style squint' hahaha