Moving in Together - decorating

The main difference you’ll notice when you decide to take the plunge and move in with your other half is attitude to decorating.

This will become most apparent when you see the male reaction to the scented candle.

Six years ago I took that plunge.  It was his idea to go shopping the Saturday after pay day, to deck out our humble abode.

Difference no. 1 – Location.

Upsettingly, he took me to Ramsgate.  And do you know which shop he took me to?  Have a guess………………………..

Difference no. 2 – Argos.

Argos is where you’d by kids presents from at Christmas, not a cutting edge boutique for interior design.

We had an argument, our first, because he couldn’t understand why ‘ANY DINNER SET WILL NOT DO – THEY ARE NOT JUST PLATES’! He also couldn’t understand the importance of rim thickness on your mug, (back off perverts) I like a thin rim.

I refused to buy any old ironing board cover and he ‘didn’t get’ that there was a selection of different designs and I wouldn’t, ‘just get the stripy one’.

Then, on our way to the cashiers, I stopped at the scented candles. Picking one vanilla and one orange candle up, I held them under his nose and enthusiastically asked, ‘which one do you like’?

His face changed.  It looked almost happy before, relieved to be on it’s way to the end of our shopping trip but now, it looked stunned.

‘WHAT’? he shouted, in a high pitched bark. ‘Smell them’ I said, ‘one is orange, this one’s vanil….’

‘NO! I, THEY’RE CANDLES, I…I’VE GOTTA GO OUTSIDE’! and visibly shaken by the extreme unfamiliarity of the object, ran, (yes ran) outside and sat on a bench to recover!

Now that’s just not normal is it?  Women don’t even have that ‘mode’ do they? That was proper disturbed male behaviour at it’s peak.

Anyway, years on and we’re both still sharing the same home, (soul mates &  all that) and we’re both BOOTFAIRTASTIC and sometimes, he gets over confident and makes purchases without remembering to check my facial expression first.

His last boot fair treasure was four dinner plates. Dinner plates so ugly that they were obviously kicked out of the set by the rest of the crockery.  Who buys just four plates? They match each other but nothing else.  Oh and he bought two cheap nasty bedside lamps with corrugated plastic shades.  I had to put my foot down and told him that they were never going to be used.  For a month they made a pathetic stand of defiance by the fruit bowl – (he purchased that as well but panicked and bought plain white = safe). He threw them away in the end.

After watching Kirsty Allsops Homemade Home, I toyed with the idea of rummaging for odd plates and cups from Portabello Rd but His eyes lit up, as though he was going to join in and possibly already had a few in mind, so I ditched that idea sharpish.

Why is the average man so sh*t at basic home decorating?  Why do women even want to drag them round IKEA , cooing over badly made, mass produced tat?  I love the idea of building our nest together but I don’t really listen to his opinions on duvet covers, so why am I so upset when he chooses the worst possible rug in the entire range?

There are just some jobs that women do better and others that are simply more suited to men.  So, he can stick to the ironing, cooking and washing up but just please,  leave the scatter cushions to me.