About Me

My photo
I can't please everyone and you might disagree with something I've said so share your view - just don't be a dick about it.

Monday, 21 February 2011


Do you do anything that others find weird?  I can’t think of anything I do that may be construed as ‘not the norm’…but then again, if it’s ok with me, then I suppose it wouldn’t register to me that it was odd.

Did any of you watch a programme called, ‘My Monkey Baby’ on telly last night?  It was on Ch4, or More 4, one of those channels. 
They followed three different American households who had, for various reasons, decided to keep monkeys as pets…well, I say pets but this is where the strangeness occurs.  They raised these monkeys like very spoiled, pampered babies, wearing nappies, clothes etc having birthday parties with balloons and cakes with multi coloured icing.  Taking them to toy shops, where one monkey freaked out after having it’s owner shove various dolls/cuddly toys in it’s face and whilst cradling it the owner went, ‘aww you got dirrrty britches? That’s okaaaaay, you been wearin’ ‘em for a looooong tiiiiime’!  All this was made even more sickly as they all spoke in baby voices, ‘aww Her like da ice cweeeeeam’, cooed one owner whilst spooning large mouthfuls of strawberry sauce into the hyperactive beasts gob.

Ah, I’ve just remembered that I once (before becoming a mum, if that counts) dressed my English Bull Terrier up in antlers, with reigns and made a snow scene whilst I dressed as Mrs Christmas and took eight photo’s of my dog, in various poses (all fit for family viewing haha) and made a Christmas card for my Irish pal, featuring me driving a sleigh with 8 reign-dogs.  This, along with the Barbie Christmas sack filled with £££’s worth of dog toys could be pushing me slightly more towards the realms of ‘weirdo’.  
I nearly got a tacky ‘little sister’pendant for her dog collar too….this was meant to be a joke thing to make my mum go, ‘OH NOOO, JOHN, LOOK WHAT SHE’S DONE NOW’! but I actually liked the idea. 

Oh and we used to go to novelty dog shows, (Tess won prettiest b*tch – remarkable for a Bully) and I dressed her as a mermaid, making my, at the time new boyfriend, (yes Him) sit in with me on a Friday night, cutting out silver scales to stick on the mermaid tail, ready for the mornings event… she wore a long blond curly wig but only came third, (ripped off).  

Some people are just more inclined to be OTT with their pets…

My friend ‘Justina – (PUP), has warned her mum that if anything should happen to her, her sister is not allowed to adopt her cat Leo.  According to Pup, her sister gets over excited and squeezes the poor thing…the sister is 26 yrs and training to be a nurse! Let’s hope she doesn’t find any of her patients ‘weally weally cute’!

I remember my cool friend Sarah baking & decorating birthday cakes for her dobermans.

I’ve just been on facebook and seen my sensible friend Kelly has uploaded a pic of her dog Ruby, dressed as Randy Crawford, complete with wet look bubble perm.

My young male colleague Joe has just professed that his fiancé Kirsty has two dogs. A boxer and ‘some small thing’.  The boxer is allowed to be a dog but the ‘small thing’ is dressed up, spoken to in baby talk and fed from a fork.  It’s paws barely touch the ground as she cuddles and carries it all the time too.

My partner told me once that when they were younger, his step dad, a gruff leather clad biker, found his Jack Russell unable to move his arm, which was stuck rigid, under his chin as though he’d suffered a stroke, or was having a seizure.  In a state of panic and crying his eyes out, he rushed the mutt to the vets and bellowed, ‘QUICK, you’ve gotta do something, I think he’s dying”!   The vet calmly unhooked the dogs front leg from his collar and gave him back.

I asked my other colleague, the delicious Janet, a pagan and a cat owner, (the two go hand in hand in my opinion) if she was ever ‘OTT’ with her cats.  She stared back and in her best Margot from the Good Life voice asked, ‘over the top’?  I elaborated, ‘Yes, for example, do your cats ever eat with you at the dinner table’?  “Of course not", she replied…………………………"but we have eaten with them on the floor………..to make them feel more at home”.

Come to think of it, maybe the Monkey People aren't so mental after all.



  1. You know my philosophy is one of... aslong as your not hurting or abusing any living being then cest le vie.. As you know I have experienced ongoing infertility and Ruby (my french bulldog) fulfills a emotional need in my life.. some would think I'm a nut nut but I rationalise my love for my pooch by thinking of the alternatives... would it be better for example if I were on numerous antidepressants and in constant counselling... as humans we find coping mechanisms to get us through life and lets face it life can be shit at times... Ok the monkey people maybe a bit different but different is ok in my mind.. Oh and by the way that wasnt really Ruby it was a picture of a pug that my sister sent me, but I have to say it made me smile alot today

  2. I love your attitude Kel, although the baby talk on the programme was TOO MUCH! I HATE WHEN GROWN UPS TALK LIKE BABIES!!!
    Tess was like my best pal! She was brilliant. I'd come in from work, sit on the step at the back door and put my arm out and she'd plod over to me and stick her nose under my arm so I had my arm round her. Awww that's why I said (before becoming a mum) - she was like a human. A proper member of the family.
    And when I was having constant anxiety attacks she was the one being I wanted to be around. AWWW LOVE YOU TESS!

  3. This is a wonderful article. Thank you for sharing, very exciting.
    Scarves Scarves
    Faucets Faucets

  4. I don't have a problem with people dressing up their pets, but that 'My Monkey Baby' programme sounds a bit borderline! I shall have to watch it now, you realise ;-) .
    What I thought was going too far was on 'Human Planet' the jungle/ rainforest episode where women were breastfeeding baby monkeys. For me, that was a bit too weird...

  5. I reckon you would though MonCh... can I call you Monch? If a baby monkey was going to die, malnurished, unless you fed it some of your Gold top booby juice, you definitely would do it. I can't imagine that you would be able to sleep at night knowing the little fella had passed away because of your warped sense of normality. I wouldn't do it though coz it's weird! ;)
    PS - Scarves & Faucets, are you genuinely liking my article or are you shamelessly advertising your taps & neck wear? I don't mind btw! ;)