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I can't please everyone and you might disagree with something I've said so share your view - just don't be a dick about it.

Saturday, 26 February 2011


Right, what really fcuking annoys you?

I'm gonna have a bit of a rant now because it's been one of those weeks, topped off with a weekend that is thus far, NOT MY OWN!

And now I have finally got the kids to sit quietly with their new painting sets and A BLOODY ALARM HAS GONE OFF. 

One of those quiet, piercing, persistant alarms. Like a watch alarm. But this one has been tidied away by HIM in a box that is so high up, I cannot reach it to turn the fcuking thing off. I will just sit here, angrily tapping away at the keyboard while it runs it's course. HEAD POUNDING!

Two minutes pass and the beeping stops.

All week at work,  I have people in my ear who cannot seem to do anything for themselves, apart from whinge, breed, smoke, demand and swear. I get sworn at, shouted at, called names and literally, personally blamed for the fact that these scrotes have to pay the same bills as me. 

About 1 in 20 callers are pleasant. Human.  Socially skilled.  About 1 in 40 make a polite compliment about my manner in comparison to the rudeness they normally get when they ring a number marked, 'This Way For Help' and that makes me feel a little bit better. A little less of a c*nt. (sorry but I am ANGRY).

Anyway, I know we all look forward to our own time at the weekend but I think anyone who works with the public, (yes, I know I am one of them) needs their own time even more than others who do jobs they really wanted. 

I don't know what the pressure is like for Mick jagger, or Steven Hawking but I expect they get to tell people the truth so often that they don't feel suffocated by the time friday afternoon comes smiling sleepily, (unless Mick's into auto-asphyxiation and then that's his choice so it doesn't count). I'd like to assume Mr Hawking prefers a ruddy hard game of Scrabble.

So, sometimes it get's to the weekend and the kids will not behave. I am better than the other half at disciplining the kids, so I tend to do it. 

When we have a third child here, the usual two, my son in particular, misbehaves....a lot.

After a week of 'talking to brick walls', the last thing I want is to be ignored in my own home, in my time. 

I have watched Supernanny and I like to think I had a fair idea what was 'assseptable' and also what was 'totally unasssseptable' anyway, otherwise I wouldn't have had children.  Unlike others who have kids and expect society to pick up the pieces.

Juggling my time is tricky, to say the least.  I hardly see my friends any more. They are not local and it costs a lot to get there but also, as a working mum, I feel guilty leaving my family for half the weekend.  I also feel guilty leaving Him a) for half the weekend with the kids and b) to go and have fun whilst he has worked bloody hard all week too.  I then feel guilty for not seeing my friends, who have been there for me throughout.

We have to juggle with hours, here and there, let alone half weekends! 

As I have probably mentioned before, I am three stone over weight.  I try to stick to regular exercise classes/ gym sessions but this is sporadic and unless something is regimented, I give up and lose heart.  For instance, I went to a body pump class and remembered how much I used to like it and as I happily tried to book a second class, I remembered I couldn't because He is going to see the football that evening and so I have to be at home.

I am using this blog as an outlet for the real me who is stilted all week and yet I feel guilty if I'm on it for too long, although He gets to shoot people on the XBOX while I'm blogging! 

There's a lot of guilt, so I tend to end up doing nothing. My decision - I'm not blaming anyone.

Today, I have suggested four times that He goes with child 3 for a couple of hours to give us all a break, as child 2 will behave when child 3 is not around.  This will allow my headache to dissolve and stop the potential waste of a weekend and the precious 'me time'.

He refused, saying he'd like to go out all together - (I think this is to placate me and to make me not feel abandoned)!
He drove us all to an interiors shop, (it's raining) and we all pile inside.  I have child 1 & 2 in a trolley and request that He and child 3 walk off and have a look around.  They do.......... for about 5 minutes.  Child 3 is literally under my feet, blocking the aisle, or standing behind me, so close that if I step back I will tread on him.

By the time we get back to the car, my head is POUNDING.  Child 2 is being his naughtiest, egged on by Child 3 who is being sneaky.  Child 1 is trying to go to sleep and getting grumpier by the second.

I shout.  He comments that Child 3 'hasn't done anything' and by now, it is Saturday lunchime.  To me, half the weekend has been wasted, fraught and agitated. 

We pull up at the supermarket and I know I cannot go in there.  I suggest, (in a firm manner) that He and child 3 go in together.

While they are in the store, I have asked child 2 to get back in his seat 3 times.  I have (wrongly I know) threatened him each time with BED! when we get home. 

I sit in the passenger seat, the shouting, naughty children behind me.  My shoulders are by now, touching my earlobes. 

I ring Sarah. 

Sarah is relaxed.  She has done all her housework and is just about to watch Avatar, stretched out on her sofa, in her gorgeous, child unfriendly home, (there is glass, sharp corners, fragile ornaments and general, stain - free neatness). 

Rather than be jealous of her enviable state of  togetherness, I just laugh and chat away. Letting off steam and getting excited for her evening ahead, (that's her business and I daren't divulge details on here ;)

I feel better.

There are a few people in this world who have a natural calming effect on me. 

Sarah is one of those people.  Marie is another.  I said in my very first post on here, that Marie should be a therapist. 

The third person I actually don't know but have been reading her blog, 'Linda and her twaddle', for the last couple of weeks, since realising via my blog profile, that we have the film, 'The Witches of Eastwick' in common.

I really must recommend her blog.  It, for me, is like reading a magazine that is filled with constantly good articles. No fillers. 

He has finally taken child 3 out for a walk and to watch the rugby.

Thanks to all that and talking to you lot, I am beginning to calm. 

My brain is actually feeling smaller, as though it had swelled and was ready to burst out of my skull before.

Before I stop my rant though, i'd just like to add that;

  • talking LOUDLY, next to someone who is on the phone,
  • interrupting others conversations
  • asking people questions and then not listening to their answers, 
  • cutting off the corners as you drive into a junction so you're on the other side of the road
  • telling someones business to a 3rd party who they dislike
  • talking in a baby voice if you are NOT a baby
  • and eating with your mouth open, so you sound like a dog licking it's nuts IS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY ANNOYING!
Anyway..... that is how my weekend, my down time, has gone so far.  How's yours?


  1. Whoa that really was a moan My Lady!! I think some of your frustration is due to the fact that child number 3 is around you, and its upset your normal balance!!

    When that child is not of your genetics, your tolerance is about zero ( and thats being generous) I know I have the T-shirt... Really really try to be the adult though because I bet Child 3, as you refer to him, is just his in your other halves eyes, as are the other 2 (this is probably pissing you off more) anyhow is it the child you dislike or the fact your man has had a child with another woman? an association for life perhaps?

    I ask this as I had to deal with the very same thing, probably its more child 3's mother you dislike and you direct at the wrong person.. remember the child will sense your unrest when he's around you and he is probably trying to get your attention whether it be good or bad... even though he is a child he will feel insecure around you and his dads new children!!

    Crikey I have really gone into one here, I dont mean to preach but try hard babe as you may end up the loser... I know I did at one point!!

  2. Nope. Not dislike. I was very close at one point to child 3. I think what it is, is that my home is no longer my sanctuary as Child 3 tends to tell tales. For example, he said his mother had only given him breakfast, then rich tea biscuits for lunch. It was 6pm. he said that is what he's had all day. He also said that he has 1000's of books but that his mother never reads to him. In turn, she will text or ring, ranting and shouting about some fictitious event that has supposedly happened whilst he's been with us. For years, She used to tell him to call me names and even kick me once... I think her personality has had a detrimental affect on him and he makes stuff up. There fore, by weekends which are so desperately craved for by me, become fraught and on edge. So, my problem is I cannot relax and Monday rolls around too quickly. Without the 'down time' at the weekend, i go back to work already ound up. HEART ATTACK CITY HERE I COME!

  3. Oh and do you wanna elaborate re your experience Kels? ;)

  4. When my husband and I got together I understood he had two children.. what I didnt understand was how much those two children would impact on every decision we made.. actually to say we made them is a bit of a joke really!! He made them based around his childrens needs and I had to put up with it or I knew where the door was!!

    When we got married I demanded that I have more of a say and in all honesty... the arguments that ensued were horrendous!! At one point it came to a its me or them scenario!! I ended up in counselling and was completly at the end of my tether!! I felt as if I didn't have aplace in my own home or marriage at one point! The only option was to leave in my eyes!!

    Following a fairly in depth counselling course I started to see, that actaully my issues were with my husband and I just directed my anger at what I saw as the route of the issue... It was easier to blame his children than actually face up to my own insecurities and there were many believe me!!

    Alot of my issues werne't hepled by the fact that I wanted a child with my husband and couldnt achieve one... I didn't used to communicate with my hubby on an emotional level and I just errupted like a volcano one day spewing red hot irrational lava at anyone who had the misfortune to be around me!!

    Weird isn't how I can blog some of my inner most feelings and yet I could communicate with my husband!!

    Anyhoo 4 years later I have got a grip on my feelings and now have a positive outlook on my step children and I undrestand that my husband loves us all, in different ways but we are all important to him and most importantly he shouldnt have to choose between me and the children.

  5. How old are they? What is your relationship like with their mum. What is his relationship like with their mum. Do they lie? Do you understand where I am coming from in my post?

    Thank you very much for being so sincere and intimate.

  6. When we first got togther my step son was 10 and my step daughter 14.. My hubby kept me from the children for a while as he wanted to make sure I was going to be around before introducing them to me.

    My stepson was brilliant from day one, but my step daughter didnt see her dad for 3 years after finding out about me... she has since explained it wasnt about me... it was about her mum and dad using her as a pawn in a emotional game!!

    I never had a relationship with my hubbys ex as I wasnt intertested in the past... The more the children came into my life, the more the need to have contact with their mother arose!! His son wanted to come and live with us at one point, that was very tricky to handle. As much as I am fond of his children I didnt want the rsponsibility of getting a child up for school etc etc!!

    I'm pleased to say it never happened and that was the right thing in that instance as I genuinly believed he should have stayed with this mother!! Yes we had lies at times, I have always thought it was down to the fact that my hubby and his ex didnt communicate or parent their off spring from the same rule book... my stepson used tell us his mum didnt wash his clothes or would send him to school in wet trousers... he always said she was never home and there was no food in the house and he was always hungry!!

    Yes I understand your frustration, be cautious as yoou other half will think you're always anti child number 3 and that you dislike him... My hubby used to get furious with me as I would feel the dark cloud decend on friday evening when my step son was coming ( we had him every weekend by the way) by Monday evening I would be cheerful again!!

    I'm lucky it didnt do unreversiable damge to my relationship, I think that is because i was able to face my demons and deal with them though....

  7. I definitely relate re the dark cloud descending on a friday. It is hard. I have spoken to other '2nd wives/partners'. I just hate lies. I am so honest, to the point of being tactless and offending people.
    I suggest that the two of them spend time alone together. As father & son. I'd rather that than all of us together, treading on egg shells.
    Of course there is that feeling that in any relationship, it's always going to be easier without ex partners hanging around.
    It is sad though as I said, we used to be very close, child 3 and I.

  8. Maybe that was before you had your own two though??

    I know other second wives etc and they all feel very similar

  9. There used to be a internet site called the second wives club... it was an interesting read :)

    Good Luck Invisible Lady.. never stop trying...

  10. Thank you Secret Squirrel. That may have an influence but I think fundamentally, it is the fact that my home, my safe bubble, is jeopardised with the lies etc. I need to be able to wind down and feel at ease in my home.

  11. Ah, now I understand. Number 3 is not someone over for a play date. That's tough. Or it seems tough to me (an outsider). All of a sudden you have three children to look after and one of them kind of might have issues with the whole arrangement.

    Are there any good books out there for Step parents? They might give you some tips on how to handle some tricky situations. Lying is a strange thing children do. It is usually for attention or out of fear. Can you explain how you feel about the lying? Sometimes kids are just reactive and don't get the consequences of lying. If his mother is a bit of a twat then it makes things so confusing for him.

    Gosh, I don't envy you. I hope you got some time to yourself. So much tends to fall on the shoulders of mothers unfortunately. It's not forever - only another twenty years or so.....

    PS: There are great exercises you can do at home if you are time poor.

    PSS: Twat is not a bad word here by the way.

    PSS: Thanks for mentioning ME in your post. ;)

  12. Ah this is not all of a sudden. It's been 5 years or so but things happened. Dramatic events that I should really have got over but just cannot, mainly due to the mother as you put it, being a twat.
    Child 3 has adopted her personality in many ways and I find it definitely makes it harder for me to want to make that extra effort.
    Sneaky, lying, two faced...fake, so fake! real OTT concern & theatrics shown towards whatever may have happened, then 2 minutes later, as if nothing has happened. Very selfish and, just weird.
    Aside from this, there is the reporting back. Just stupid things, like nicknames for my kids, whether we're considering going on holiday and where, possibly getting a puupy and what breed...what perfume I wear....ridiculous but I just close off. Who wants their enemies knowing their business? I have even deleted (finally had the courage to) His family member from Facebook, due to reports going back to the ex wife.
    I wish child 3 was treated more like a child and not left to his own devices, out in the road with older kids.
    He told me he got a tv and dvd player for his bedroom off his mum for christmas and I felt real sadness for him.
    I have sat with him numerous times, explaining about lying and behaviour and consequences... It's been me who'smade real efforts with his birthday presents in the past but now, I fear I have closed shop.
    I just think if you are closed, you don't open yourself up for betrayal. Do you know what I mean Ms Twaddle?

  13. Oh and why on earth wouldn't I mention your blog? It is honestly, such a fantastic read. i love it!

  14. From reading your blog i can sense there is more than one issue here but child 3 i would suggest is your anger vent. you require some 'me time' and your quite justified in having this being a busy person but you then unjustify it in your own head and not do it. why cant you go out for the afternoon and see your friends or make new friends? Why cant he take out all three instead of you firmly suggesting to him to take out just no3. it does not say how often no3 comes over? but if in a guess its every weekend or less then no3 needs to be re assured he is part of the family unit and not an outsider, telling HIM to take no3 out every time he comes to your house will make no3 feel not wanted and crave your attention, and make HIM feel awkward and uncomfy in his own home. The tension will be there before the weekend even starts and then last all week after.
    You appear to be unhappy in your work, believe me your not the only one but money talks in this modern society and two wages is often a must.
    You also appear to be fed up with your weight.
    You seem to be upset your friends are so far away.
    you NEED to make new ones and having your 'me time' in the gym or what ever interests you have will kill two birds with one stone and make you feel a whole load better in yourself and this in turn may make you accept the things your seeing as a negative ie your job as just a job and not an added stress. when the scrotes shout at you and dont appreciate you at work then remember they are JUST SCROTES who are incapable of doing things right.

    i woffle some times but what im trying to say is, when you get yourself into a position where everything becomes a negative then you dont see thing in the real light.

    1. Have your me time. thiswill cheer you up.

    i bet if child 3 came to yours for lets say a week or so then 3 would settle, 1 and 2 would settle and behaviours would calm. unfortunately two days aint enough, the 1st day 1,2,3 will be all hyper then the day after its time to go home again. there is never a norm.
    If there are dislikings in his ex then unfortunately you will see the ex in no3 because no3 spends most of the time with ex please remember its not no3 fault.

    please chillout, have some me time, you DESERVE it. you may see things in a different light..

    Good luck


  15. Mr Anonymous...I just want to say THANK YOU for commenting. I have read it and will reply later (always rushing about).... Please,if you are comfortable with it, FOLLOW my blog as it's really what I started this for. Your opinions are something I want to take on board and I'll have a proper re read later this afternoon. THANK YOU Bloke!

  16. Mr Bloke - you've given me some great advice here.
    The arrangement is alternate weekends. We have suggested longer periods and all took a week off during last summer but No3 wanted to go home. All is fine and happy til No3's mum rings and No3 comes off the phone crying, wanting to go home. He usually starts crying on hearing her voice, no matter how happy he was prior to the phone call.
    We used to have him 1 night every weekend but it was me who was not happy with this as No3 would not settle and would not feel part of the family. I suggested alternate weekends but friday afternoon til monday morning. between them, it has gone to friday evening to sunday mornings.
    I do need 'me time'. I shouldn't feel guilty. The reason I suggest Him and No 3 go off was initially to allow them to get a stronger bond. Now it is more for me to have a break, admittedly.
    I agree in being in a position where I see everything as a negative. Any tips to stop this ? I know I should be more positive but sometimes I just let everything affect me in a negative way. I end up feeling suffocated and trapped. I think anyone would but how do you dig yourself out of the 'negative rut'?